prose

Nora Verde: Until the Supplies Run Out

Antonela Marušić who now writes under her pseudonym, Nora Verde, was born in 1974 in Dubrovnik. She completed her degree in Croatian Language and Literature at the University of Zadar. She has published several collections of poetry as well as the semi-autobioraphical novel Posudi mi smajl (2010) (Lend Me a Smile), the novel Do isteka zaliha (2013) (Until the Supplies Run Out), and a collection of short stories O ljubavi, batinama i revoluciji (2016) (On Love, Beatings and Revolution). Marušić previously worked as a journalist and editor in the cultural sector as well as music, television and independent media. She is a contributor and editor for the feminist website Vox Feminae.


Her novel, Until the Supplies Run Out, which centers around a relationship between two female partners that is coming to a slow, painful and perhaps inevitable end in a city and a society that doesn’t accept their love is a stark, honest and thoughtful work.


Read an excerpt from Verde’s novel, Until the Supplies Run Out, below.
Translation by Paula Jurišić.



 

 

Until the Supplies Run Out by Nora Verde


She stood up from the couch gently rocking, when she finally got on her feet she headed towards the sink and turned on the tap leaving her whole arm under the stream of water.

- At some point, once everything falls into place, in a year or two, water will wash off all the guilt you can't stop yapping about. And guess what happens then?

- What?

- You'll start writing about it; won’t you? That’s exactly what you'll do. You just won't be able to wait to tell the world and the cultural audience about your painful relationship that lasted for six years. Otherwise, what else would you be writing about? Social dystopia? No, you wouldn't go there, it's not what you're good at, or what turns you on. You're an exhibitionist, just like those guys who jerk off in parks, only you fucking do it with words.

I sat on the kitchen floor, leaning against the wall and listening. Interrupting her was not an option, it seemed as though, after six hours of verbal beating, she finally got tired. I let her use up all the ammo she had left. My ego was no longer hurting anyway.

- You honestly think that the world is about to jerk off to your confessions?! After all, you pulled this off just to have something to prattle about on your laptop.

What she said has really hurt me, I muttered under my breath, thinking about what to say to her. The water kept running and I started to hate the sound of it, I waited for her to turn it off. Not a chance, though, as if the rustling, silvery water stream somehow made her brave and psychic. She cupped her hands together and drank. The amount of words spoken and tears dried has obviously made her thirsty. I was thirsty too, but I wasn't even thinking about stepping into her corner of the kitchen.

I had given up firing back at her; I had given up drinking water and opposing her. I would have given anything just to make my way out of there. During the session that took six hours I made three failed attempts to get the hell out of that place. Luna made me return every time, reining me in with a bit of guilt that made my tongue heavy and I kept staying just to hear more accusations, rants and questions.

When she finally turned off the damn tap, she came back with water stains on her T-shirt and on her hoodie and sat next to me. She looked refreshed, a bit more resigned, which is exactly what I was afraid of, those creepy moments of ceasefire and squinting through the scope. We kept quiet. I was getting ready, flipping the verbs, nouns and adverbs, trying to get the right combination on a slot machine in my head.

- I should leave – I said sighing heavily

She looked at me blankly

- Where to?

- Home. I'm wasted.

She wrapped her arms around her knees up and placed her chin on them. She groaned in what seemed to be a mixture of fatigue irony and protest. It was kind of erotic, when we least expected it. Suddenly, I wanted to stay a bit longer, but I immediately discarded such a foolish idea. I swallowed a bit of saliva, I wanted to push that urge deep down in my gastric well and drown it. I better not mess up such a fair and sporting chance of finally breaking free.

You're off to her place? - the question arose.

I didn't have to answer, she did it for me.

- You're definitely headed there, there's no way you'd go back to an empty flat now. You're way too weak for such a thing, I know you well.

I was slowly rising to my feet from that crouching position, trying not to look at Luna. She was sitting calmly in my peripheral vision. A moment later she jumped to her feet and stood right in front of me.

- Hold me, she said in a commanding tone.

I held her. With my eyes closed, and my senses numbed, I got only a whiff of her sweet sweat, but I handled it quite well. She wrapped her hands around my waist; loosening her grip she gently laid her head on my right shoulder and kept breathing.

- Honey, do you love me? – she whispered.

- Just say it one more time and I'll let you go for good, I will not be bothering you, you'll be proud of me, the coolest dumped person ever, in the whole region, as you’d put in those music essays of yours, get it…

She laid it all down in one breath, like a kid emptying his water gun in a couple of shots only. She looked at me with those watery eyeballs that were still red, waiting for an answer. I realized I needed to give it to her, she needed it desperately. I pulled my lower lip over the upper one moistening them, just to buy myself an extra second.

- Of course I do – I said automatically and felt my knees shaking. For the first time that evening, Luna managed to put up some sort of a twisted, second-hand smile.

We hugged again in front of the door.

 

***

I got into the elevator and glanced at myself in the filthy, peeling mirror. It seemed like a moment I will remember.

The descent was slow, numbers swirled hesitantly on a small square display.

As soon as I stepped out of it, I called Nev. She sounded tired, but it didn’t seem like I’ve awakened her from a deep sleep.

- Where are you? – she asked trying not appear nervous.

- In front of the building, where you left me last night.

- Do you want me to pick you up?

- If it's not a problem.

- Of course it's not a problem.

- Stop a bit further, though, in front of Lisinski, I’m too nervous to wait here, I'll walk.

- Ok, I'll meet you there in ten minutes.

I looked around; the street and the sidewalk were empty. It was just about to dawn, the coldest and the quietest hour. I didn’t mind the cold. I walked by a parked car, it was dotted with tiny droplets of dew. As I walked I ran my hand over the passenger side window. I was dreaming of a magic sponge to wipe my conscience with.

 

Translation: Paula Jurišić

 

panorama

Rebecca Duran's Take on Modern Day Life in Pazin (Istria)

Croatia is a small, charming country known today as a prime European tourist destination. However, it has a complicated often turbulent history and is seemingly always destined to be at the crossroads of empires, religions and worldviews, with its current identity and culture incorporating elements from its former Communist, Slavic, Austrian-Hungarian, Catholic, Mediterranean, and European traditions.

review

Review of Dubravka Ugrešić's Age of Skin

Dubravka Ugrešić is one of the most internationally recognizable writers from Croatia, but she has a contentious relationship with her home country, having gone into self-exile in the early 90s. Her recently translated collection of essays, The Age of Skin, touches on topics of of exile and displacement, among others. Read a review of Ugrešić’s latest work of non-fiction, expertly translated by Ellen Elias-Bursac, in the link below .

panorama

Vlaho Bukovac Exhibition in Zagreb Will Run Through May

Vlaho Bukovac (1855-1922) is arguably Croatia's most renowned painter. Born in the south in Cavtat, he spent some of his most impressionable teenage years in New York with his uncle and his first career was as a sailor, but he soon gave that up due to injury. He went on to receive an education in the fine arts in Paris and began his artistic career there. He lived at various times in New York, San Francisco, Peru, Paris, Cavtat, Zagreb and Prague. His painting style could be classified as Impressionism which incorporated various techniques such as pointilism.

An exhibition dedicated to the works of Vlaho Bukovac will be running in Klovićevi dvori Gallery in Gornji Grad, Zagreb through May 22nd, 2022.

review

Review of Neva Lukić's Endless Endings

Read a review of Neva Lukić's collection of short stories, Endless Endings, recently translated into English, in World Literature Today.

panorama

A Guide to Zagreb's Street Art

Zagreb has its fair share of graffiti, often startling passersby when it pops up on say a crumbling fortress wall in the historical center of the city. Along with some well-known street murals are the legendary street artists themselves. Check out the article below for a definitive guide to Zagreb's best street art.

panorama

Beloved Croatian Children's Show Professor Balthazar Now Available in English on YouTube

The colorful, eclectic and much beloved Croatian children's cartoon Professor Balthazar was created by Zlatko Grgić and produced from the late 1960s through the 1970s. Now newer generations will be able to enjoy the Professor's magic, whether they speak Croatian or English.

panorama

New Book on Croatian Football Legend Robert Prosinečki

Robert Prosinečki's long and fabled football career includes winning third place in the 1998 World Cup as part of the Croatian national team, stints in Real Madrid and FC Barcelona as well as managerial roles for the Croatian national team, Red Star Belgrade, the Azerbaijani national team and the Bosnian Hercegovinian national team.

news

Sandorf Publishing House Launches American Branch

Croatian publishing house Sandorf launched their American branch called Sandorf Passage earlier this year.

panorama

Jonathan Bousfield on the Seedy Side of the Seaside

From strange tales of mysterious murders to suspected criminals hiding out to scams, duels and gambling, Opatija, a favourite seaside escape for Central Europeans at the turn of the last century, routinely filled Austrian headlines and the public's imagination in the early 20th century.

review

Review of new English translation of Grigor Vitez's AntonTon

Hailed as the father of 20th century Croatian children's literature, Grigor Vitez (1911-1966) is well known and loved in his homeland. With a new English translation of one of his classic tales AntonTon (AntunTun in Croatian), children around the world can now experience the author's delightful depiction of the strong-minded and silly AntonTon. The Grigor Vitez Award is an annual prize given to the best Croatian children's book of the year.

news

The Best of New Eastern European Literature

Have an overabundance of free time, thanks to the pandemic and lockdowns? Yearning to travel but unable to do so safely? Discover the rhythm of life and thought in multiple Eastern European countries through exciting new literature translated into English. From war-torn Ukraine to tales from Gulag inmates to the search for identity by Eastern Europeans driven away from their home countries because of the economic or political situations but still drawn back to their cultural hearths, this list offers many new worlds to explore.

panorama

More Zagreb Street Art

Explore TimeOut's gallery of fascinating and at times thought-provoking art in the great open air gallery of the streets of Zagreb.

panorama

Welcome to Zagreb's Hangover Museum

Partied too hard last night? Drop by Zagreb's Hangover Museum to feel more normal. People share their craziest hangover stories and visitors can even try on beer goggles to experience how the world looks like through drunken eyes.

panorama

Jonathan Bousfield on the Future as Imagined in 1960s Socialist Yugoslavia

How will the futuristic world of 2060 look? How far will technology have advanced, and how will those advancements affect how we live our everyday lives? These are the questions the Zagreb-based magazine Globus asked in a series of articles in 1960, when conceptualizing what advancements society would make 40 years in the future, the then far-off year of 2000. The articles used fantastical predictions about the future to highlight the technological advancements already made by the then socialist Yugoslavia. Take a trip with guide, Jonathan Bousfield, back to the future as envisioned by journalists in 1960s Yugoslavia.

panorama

Untranslatable Croatian Phrases

What’s the best way for an open-minded foreigner to get straight to the heart of another culture and get a feel for what makes people tick? Don’t just sample the local food and drink and see the major sights, perk up your ears and listen. There’s nothing that gives away the local flavor of a culture more than the common phrases people use, especially ones that have no direct translation.

Check out a quirky list of untranslatable Croatian phrases from Croatian cultural guide extraordinaire, Andrea Pisac, in the link below:

panorama

Jonathon Bousfield on the Museum of Broken Relationships

Just got out of a serious relationship and don't know what to do with all those keepsakes and mementos of your former loved one? The very popular and probably most unique museum in Zagreb, the Museum of Broken Relationships, dedicated to preserving keepsakes alongside the diverse stories of relationships gone wrong, will gladly take them. Find out how the museum got started and take an in-depth look at some of its quirkiest pieces in the link below.

panorama

Cool Things To Do in Zagreb

Zagreb is Croatia’s relaxed, charming and pedestrian-friendly capital. Check out Time Out’s definitive Zagreb guide for a diverse set of options of what to explore in the city from unusual museums to legendary flea markets and everything in between.

panorama

Jonathan Bousfield on Diocletian's Legacy in Split

Diocletian’s Palace is the main attraction in Split, the heart and soul of the city. Because of the palace, Split’s city center can be described as a living museum and it draws in the thousands of tourists that visit the city annually. But how much do we really know about the palace’s namesake who built it, the last ruler of a receding empire? Jonathan Bousfield contends that history only gives us a partial answer.

interview

The Poetry of Zagreb

Cities have served as sources of inspiration, frustration, and discovery for millennia. The subject of sonnets, stories, plays, the power centers of entire cultures, hotbeds of innovation, and the cause of wars, cities are mainstays of the present and the future with millions more people flocking to them every year.

Let the poet, Zagreb native Tomica Bajsić, take you on a lyrical tour of the city. Walk the streets conjured by his graceful words and take in the gentle beauty of the Zagreb of his childhood memories and present day observation.

panorama

You Haven't Experienced Zagreb if You Haven't Been to the Dolac Market

Dolac, the main city market, is a Zagreb institution. Selling all the fresh ingredients you need to whip up a fabulous dinner, from fruits and vegetables to fish, meat and homemade cheese and sausages, the sellers come from all over Croatia. Positioned right above the main square, the colorful market is a beacon of a simpler way of life and is just as bustling as it was a century ago.

panorama

Croatian Phrases Translated into English

Do you find phrases and sayings give personality and flair to a language? Have you ever pondered how the culture and history of a place shape the common phrases? Check out some common sayings in Croatian with their literal translations and actual meanings below.

panorama

Discover Croatia's Archaeological Secrets

Discover Croatia’s rich archaeological secrets, from the well known ancient Roman city of Salona near Split or the Neanderthal museum in Krapina to the often overlooked Andautonia Archaeological Park, just outside of Zagreb, which boasts the excavated ruins of a Roman town or the oldest continuously inhabited town in Europe, Vinkovci.

panorama

Croatian Sites on UNESCO World Heritage Tentative List

A little know fact is that Croatia, together with Spain, have the most cultural and historical heritage under the protection of UNESCO, and Croatia has the highest number of UNESCO intangible goods of any European country.

panorama

Croatian National Theatre in Zagreb

The National Theater in Zagreb, Croatia’s capital, is one of those things which always finds its way to every visitor’s busy schedule.

panorama

Zagreb's Street Art

So you're visiting Zagreb and are curious about it's underground art scene? Check out this guide to Zagreb's street art and explore all the best graffiti artists' work for yourself on your next walk through the city.

panorama

Zagreb Festivals and Cultural Events

Numerous festivals, shows and exhibitions are held annually in Zagreb. Search our what's on guide to arts & entertainment.

Authors' pages

Književna Republika Relations PRAVOnaPROFESIJU LitLink mk zg